I do not have the words to describe to you these items found on Etsy. Only that the title of this entry, and the items themselves do the best job.

Nintendo Controller Paddle

The Control-Her

Super Mario Piranha Plant Riding Crop

And now, some very strange fetish gear…

Lego shaped Paddle

And this…uh… honestly, if this turns you on you have problems that only drugs and white-coated men can fix.

Jigsaw Flogger